a 20 year old and her bisexuality

Good day, everyone! I’ve been talking about bisexuality a lot here recently, so I thought I would do a quick master-post about my experiences and thoughts. Please keep in mind, these are my views only. I know a lot of people have thoughts about the definition of bisexuality in particular – this is just my two cents.

How did you know?

I think I’m one of the lucky ones, because I’ve kind-of always known. When I was younger, I honestly thought that everyone was attracted to all genders. Monosexuality is still a little bit of a strange concept to me, because I can’t imagine only being attracted to people of a different gender definition to me. It just isn’t how I experience the world! I don’t remember when I stumbled across the word bisexual, but as soon as I saw it I knew that it described me.

How do you define bisexuality? 

Bisexuality: romantic or sexual attraction to people of any sex or gender identity.

If you use that definition, why don’t you identify as pansexual? 

Honestly? Bisexuality is more well-known. I can identify to a straight person and I don’t have to go into a huge explanation of who exactly I’m attracted to. I know that sounds lazy, but I honestly don’t think I have the energy to be constantly explaining myself, and sharing relatively personal details with people I’ve just met.

I totally agree that the traditional definition of bisexuality (attracted to men and women) is transphobic, and reinforces the gender binary. That’s why I use the definition above.

So you’re like 50% attracted to people who identify with a similar gender to you, and 50% to people who identify with a different gender to you? 

Nope! Some bisexual people are, but I’m not. For me, it is more of a sliding scale (for example, check out the Kinsey scale). It usually depends on who I’m dating at the time. When I’m dating a woman, I tend to be more interested in and attracted to women. When I’m dating a man, the same. (I have never dated someone who identifies outside of the gender binary, so that I can’t comment on.) So right now, I’d say I’m 70% to people of a different gender identity, and 30% to people of a similar gender identity. Interesting, right?!

So you’re into threesomes, right? 

None of your business.

Ok, but you’re still promiscuous, right? 

Still none of your business.

When are you going to ‘choose’? 

If you mean, when are you going to settle down with one partner for the rest of your life – I don’t know! I am very happy with my boyfriend at the moment, but I’m only 20.

If you mean, when are you going to choose to be straight or a lesbian – hahahaha. Fuck off. No matter who I am dating, I am still bi.

Don’t bisexuals have it easier than other queer people, because they can ‘pass’ as straight? 

I honestly don’t think so. Yes, when I am dating men, I can pass as straight. I’ll admit, after dating a woman, it is slightly strange for me to not have to come out every time I buy a Valentine’s card, or we hold hands in public. I have had the experience of being afraid to show affection to my partner in public, in case someone decides to comment or take offence. I think that means so much more than occasionally ‘passing’ as straight. (Also, bisexual people get this question from straight and LGBT+ people. Even though some of us identify as queer, that doesn’t necessarily mean we get accepted in the queer community. Biphobia, y’all. It sucks.)

However, I also think that the much bigger problem is that women who are currently dating men are automatically assumed to be straight. Especially women who are quite feminine, as I am. That’s an assumption that I’m trying to smash, one person at a time.

If you have any questions for me, please don’t hesitate to ask! There’s no such thing as a stupid question, and I’m always happy to educate about bisexuality.