i’m so lonely

So I can’t remember if I’ve talked about this very much, but one of the things I’ve been doing in this past month or two is going to therapy. While it isn’t perfect, it has been a great starting discussion for a lot of things that are going on with my life, one of which has been loneliness.

This has become a real problem for me recently. After I finished my Masters and my internships in London, I moved back up to Coventry to live with my boyfriend who is in his final year at Warwick medical school. (I am SO BAD at living by myself or with strangers, so this was honestly the best decision for my mental and physical health). However, this meant leaving pretty much all of my friends in London. This not only included Masters friends, but friends from my undergraduate as well.

Of course, I’m doing some things with my boyfriend’s friends. We had a games night a couple weeks back, which was really good fun. (I’ve always loved board games, but I’ve never had anyone to play them with!) We’re also going to a comedy night type event at the university, which I’m really looking forward to. But even though I do consider them my friends now…it’s not quite the same.

This isn’t helped by the fact that I’ve just started working from home. While I was at my internships I at least had co-workers to talk to. But now, I’m just kind of floating around aimlessly in my house. And I love my boyfriend, I really do, but I don’t think I should be putting all my happiness on one person.

What’s the solution, you ask? I’m not sure. I would love to do some volunteering at an animal shelter or a library, but I have limited access to transportation. And while my boyfriend is more than happy to drive me places, I am conscious that he’s getting ready for exams and needs to take all the time he can to study. I’m going to try to go to coffee shops to work so I’m at least surrounded by other people. But. I don’t know what else to do.

Does anyone else feel like this? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

6 thoughts on “i’m so lonely

  1. Ceillie Simkiss says:

    I’m working from home too, and it is a struggle to get some real human interaction. I highly recommend finding a writers group of some sort, whether it’s in person or online, and maybe increasing your phone communications with friends and family. I’ve been working to invite people to my house more often, too, which might work for you, since you have limited transportation options.

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  2. Lauren @ Wonderless Reviews says:

    i totally get this!! i am someone who thrives being alone, but there are definitely moments where i just feel so lonely and wished i had someone to go places with? i recently moved from my hometown (where i had limited friends to begin with) but now i have almost no one? i have made some friends when i started studying, but it’s not like at the stage of being like ‘hey let’s hang out!!” randomly, haha. i feel like as an adult it’s so hard to make new friends?? i wish i was able to give some advice but this is something i struggle with so much myself so haha. i think that you’re aware of what’s happening is a really good step in the right direction though and i’m sending you all the good vibes ♥

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  3. Jackie B @ Death by Tsundoku says:

    Loneliness is a like a plague. It is a complicated disease to break away from. This is one of the reasons I’ve never become a contractor (even though I’ve often been told I’d be amazing at it) — I cannot work from home. I am an extreme extrovert. If I go more than 8 hours awake without in-person human interaction, I begin to feel depressed. I go WAY past lonely quickly.

    Working from home, let alone leaving all your friends behind, can be challenging. When it comes to limited access to transportation, are there options which you might just need a push to take on? Such as biking, walking, etc?

    I find that video chats help me a lot when I’m feeling lonely. Perhaps you could volunteer with a virtual mentoring or tutoring program. Something where you could see the other person while being at home? Or just set up appointments to have video chats with your mates in London.

    I also find that even working in a coffee shop or something can help. While I might not be working directly with those people, it’s a nice change of pace. Just being physically around people can help.

    In conclusion, I strongly recommend checking out this McSweeney’s article. Be careful, this might become you! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. thepaperbackpiano says:

    Sorry to hear you’re feeling like this! I went through a really lonely patch when I finished university – like you, I moved home and had to leave behind all the friends I’d made. But my family had relocated while I was at uni so likewise, I wasn’t going back to the friends I’d known all my life. Thankfully, when I got my full-time job, I was able to connect with people.

    All I can say is that it will pass with time. I know that’s not the most helpful thing; just know that it won’t last forever. And in the meantime, reach out to us online whenever you need to ❤

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  5. colorfulbookreviews says:

    Oh yes have felt that, very much so. This might turn out to be a longer comment than your post! I’ve worked from home, and also for a while was a stay-at-home and wasn’t working. What we learned from that is that I absolutely cannot stay at home, I need to work at least part time out of the home, or volunteer.

    My therapist had me set a goal of daily contact with someone other than my family. Also for certain important people I set a goal of seeing them monthly or calling every two weeks, etc. So some days I would have plans and go meet some one, other days it might simply be sending a message with a few dates I was free the next month.

    Another aspect was going to events. I probably spent more time researching potential events, planning every aspect, and preparing, then ever actually going. Events that repeat either a certain day every month or weekly help, because you gradually get to know people and feel more comfortable. It feels routine to go. For starters it might be helpful to go to free movie screenings or talks because there is less crowd interaction.

    Since you mentioned transportation I wanted to mention how we handled that a similar situation. Is there something your boyfriend does regularly, like a shift or a class, where he’d drive near an area you want to go? Once a week during Husband’s short shifts he’d drop me off at a coffee shop and pick me up on his way home. We had a whole elaborate plan for places I could go if I felt I needed to leave and people who could pick me up if there was an emergency (so much easier now with cell phones). It won’t cure loneliness just to be around others, but getting out like that could be part of the plan and over time will become a routine and you might even get to know some people as you become a regular.

    The final thing I did was to read lots of books on friendship and learn about the process. We make friends in school because we’re forced to spend time with people similar in age and often other circumstances. It makes sense that eventually connections will form! Making and sustaining friendships in adult life after college is so different and not anything most of us have been specifically taught or maybe even seen modeled successfully. There are different levels and types of friendships and you’ve recently lost all of your close in-person friendships which is a deep blow but one I know you can recover from. Growing new friendships (and sustaining the old) will take time and effort from both sides and can be a hard skill to learn, but you can work on this and it will improve!

    I hope this lengthy comment is more helpful than overwhelming…

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