Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder and Me

I’m very happy to be hosting Hannah Gilbert today on my blog. She blogs at Creatively being me.

Trigger warnings: death, suicide

My experience with mental health has been a very hard journey! For many years I’ve never really felt normal! This all began when I transitioned into womanhood! I suddenly started to feel that I was living in the shadows of something else, that something else being Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD). PMDD affects so much of my life, my mental well-being, every day I suffer from the many symptoms that come with PMDD.

I’ve battled for help, a diagnosis and I’ve never been understood or listened to as my disorder isn’t known about by health professionals, yet PMDD affects 1 in 20 women and 15% of suffers commit suicide.

Trying to explain to doctors how terrifying it is to one day feel normal and the next a huge tsunami of depression, pain, hopelessness and anxiety along with constantly feeling tired but you can’t sleep and you no interest in anything was hard.  There was nothing wrong in my life when I was a teenager to explain this, then it was blamed on my dad dying. When I had my son I felt more alone in the world, no one listening to me. What do you do?

When I had my son I felt more alone in the world, what do you do? I soon started to realise that no one listens to you as a mother or when you are crying for help!
For years I’ve never been listened to, just told it is behavioural or hormonal.

I nearly took my own life a few times and my Son nearly lost his mummy! Being in such a dark place for so long with no help isn’t a place I want to recommend, you feel so isolated from the world. Coming out of depression is very hard, it isn’t something you can snap out of! It’s not something you are aware of is coming!

It’s like that guest that out stays it’s welcome and makes you feel uncomfortable in your own skin!

I was lucky because I started having these honest conversations with myself and then with others about my own mental health. By openly talking to my husband, family and friends, they supported me to get help, they never judged!

Researching my disorder helped me, sadly there is very little known of PMDD by health professionals! From researching I was able to get help by a specialist medical professional privately. PMDD comes in cycles, I’ve found mapping my moods, symptoms helpful, I am able to reflect on past feelings and slowly map together some known triggers.

By being open spiritually to my own wellbeing, I am able to identify, have open conversations, feel more positive in myself. I’m happy to fight the stigma that it isn’t just my about my periods! I’m sad that millions of women out there, don’t know their life’s could be better if people start to know more about PMDD. Maybe having these honest conversations, we can help reduce that 15% of woman that attempt or commit suicide.

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