I’ve been talking a lot and reading about body positivity recently – from my top 5 body positive books to my review of Puddin’, June was a pretty great month on that front. But there’s a reason why this time of year is when I need to talk about it.
Summer is a difficult time for me, body wise. I like winter, when I can bundle myself up in jumpers and scarves and coats and no one can really tell what shape I am, underneath the clothing. But in summer, I find myself feeling worse and worse about myself. I look at other people in their short shorts and just wonder to myself – why can’t I just do that?
I can. I know I can, and I would tell any other person that they should go out and be proud of their body! Wear that crop top, and those short shorts! And I’m trying, I really am. It’s just a lot harder than throwing on something and then magically feeling GREAT. I think it has something to do with the fact that I grew up in a hot country, so people went around with very little on all the time. I was constantly comparing myself to others all the time, I didn’t have winter as a time to relax. It also has a lot to do with the fact that my weight has fluctuated so rapidly in the past 3 years. At one point, at my most mentally ill, I was a size 6. I am now between a size 16 and 18.
My boyfriend recently suggested that we visit a gym and go to a steam room. I love this idea – I need a good relax – but I also cringed. I knew that I would need to get a bathing suit, and that’s the last thing I want right now. a) I hate shopping for clothes because inevitably nothing fits me and b) I don’t want to even start thinking about bathing suits, because I’ll compare myself to other people even more.
I don’t know how to conclude this post – I’m trying my best not to compare myself to others. I’ve been experimenting with my clothes, getting my legs and arms out every now and again. I’ve even got a crop top that I’m thinking about wearing to London Pride. (Because if there’s a place where no one will judge, that’s hopefully it). But it’s still a struggle for me.
How do you deal with body image?