I’m scared of therapy

I’m going to be completely honest here – therapy absolutely terrifies me. I know that with the right therapist, it would do wonders for me. I advocate for the importance of therapy, and its inclusion in mental health narratives. I’ve been trained as a mental health practitioner through the UK charity Mind (which is not the same as a therapist, but has given me some insight).

But I’ve had bad experiences with therapy in the past. One of my therapists didn’t react well when I came out to her as bisexual. I was having a lot of anxiety about telling my parents, and she completely dismissed my worries as ‘silly’. Since then I’ve decided not to disclose my sexuality. It’s a unique experience, holding yourself back to the person you should be able to tell anything to.

And that’s just one of my experiences. I’ve been told that because I’m not sexually active, that means I’m asexual (WRONG), I’ve been told that if I just put some effort into it, I’d be able to think myself out of my depression (WRONG), and my thoughts and beliefs have been belittled. I’ve also had the experience of having to wait for months to be seen. I recently went through a bit of a hard time in May, and I was told that I could be seen in NOVEMBER. WHAT IS THAT. (I’m keeping that appointment, I think. But who knows what mental state I’m going to be in. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time if I’m doing well.)

The reason why this is at the forefront of my mind is because I was recently offered another round of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). And I’m not sure what to do. The practice seems good, but I’ve been to seemingly good therapists before. I’m in a good place right now. Perhaps it would be a good time to see someone again. But like I said, I’m scared. I don’t want to be let down yet again.

What do you think about therapy? Should I try again?

 

 

24 thoughts on “I’m scared of therapy

  1. thebluemoonarchives says:

    Yess, you should! I’m so sorry that your previous experiences haven’t been particularly amazing, but therapy can be miraculous if you just find the right therapist. Your therapist judged you about being bisexual and I can’t even ahh what’s the state of counsellors, they’re especially taught not to judge a patient or let their moral values effect the treatment, even if the patient confesses to doing something that they do not approve of. Ahhh hopefully, you’ll find a better therapist this time, good luck! Mental health is very important!!♥
    -Sanjula

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  2. Lauren @ Wonderless Reviews says:

    oh man i relate to this post SO HARD!!! i had extremely bad experiences with mental health practitioners when I was younger and it’s legit given me such a phobia of them. I did see one a couple years ago and she seemed nice but my anxieties just held me back from returning. I’m supposed to have CBT too and whenever I mention my skepticism about it — that I truly believe what I’m feeling about myself is honest so changing it would make me feel like I am lying — they just keep talking like they haven’t even heard me??? Like changing the way I think isn’t going to be a magic cure 😪 but that said I do really want to try again but omg trying to find someone who’s the right fit seems impossible especially when you have limited options and resources.

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    1. whatthelog says:

      Yes, that’s exactly my problem with CBT! But maybe that was because it was explained badly to me by my terrible therapist?? But yeah I totally agree, especially when it comes to limited expenses. This one is a private therapist so I don’t have to wait 5 months to see someone…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Leslie says:

    If you have to wait 5 – 6 months for an appointment then I hope you won’t have to censor yourself when it comes to disclosing things about your sensuality.

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  4. Alexa says:

    Aaaaah, this is exactly my problem. I really should get a therapist, but the last one didn’t work out, and now I’m just really scared of having to go through several before I find one that actually works. Not to mention that I live in a very conservative country, so finding one that will accept I’m bi and ace… I just don’t have that kind of emotional energy in me.

    (I was also told that I don’t actually have depression, because this test we did didn’t show that… I mean, okay, you’re the professional, but you’re going to ignore everything I told you about wanting to die for /years/ because of one test? The fuck do I bother telling you anything then?)

    Basically finding a therapist that works really, really sucks. But I’m sure it’s worth it once you find the right one, so… if you feel like you have the strength, you should definitely try again. It’s better to talk to someone who can help instead of just trying to solve it on your own.

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  5. seedsinthewasteland says:

    It’s always worth a go – and with CBT, if you’re feeling a bit better that might actually be really helpful for you! Personally I hated CBT, but I definitely not in the right place for it. Having a bit of clarity and the ability to be a bit more objective might be good. If you’ve got an appointment you may as well go along, you might learn some things that could help when you aren’t feeling so good. Good luck!

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  6. Chitra says:

    Well I can only say based off my therapists in India and that isn’t good. I once mentioned to a therapist that I was worried about my future and financial stability and he said “Women are born with a moneymaker between their legs”. Who wants that! Either way I am sure that is not the case where you live, if you can afford it I’d say keep trying till you find a good therapist and go for it. Only reason I’m not going despite my bad experiences that it is too expensive right now.

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  7. BiblioNyan says:

    It helped me a lot, especially during recovery after an abusive relationship, but it’s vital to find a therapist that works best for you and you feel completely comfortable with. That takes some trial and error and can feel a bit exhausting after having more misses than good experiences. But once I found a therapist for me, it helped me in ways I never thought possible.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Karla J. Strand, DPhil, MLIS says:

    So sorry to hear you’ve had shitty experiences with therapy in the past. I am a hug proponent of it and feel that it’s similar to taking my car in for regular oil changes: I go in to my therapist regularly just to get a tune-up! That being said, it is all about the right therapist. It does take time to find the right one for you. I wouldn’t feel bad about “shopping around” if that’s an option for you until you find someone who espouses the same values and whose technique and communication style resonates with you. Taking time to find the right person will be worth it; spending time with the wrong one can do more harm than good, as your experiences attest. Best of luck.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sarah says:

    That’s so hard, I’m sorry, but I’m glad you’re considering going back because therapy can be very helpful. Do you have any local resources? In my city, we have a queer fb group that had compiled a list of lgbtqia-friendly therapists and that’s where I found my current therapist! If you can find a similar group, you can always ask for recommendations. Either way, I hope you figure out something that works for you ❤

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  10. Anna says:

    I had a bad break-up a few years ago that resulted in PTSD, which exacerbated my dormant abandonment issues from childhood. I’ll spare you the gritty details of my battle with it over the years, but in general I’ve had to deal with anxiety, depression, panic attacks and the traumatizing Worker’s Compensation system here in the US after a concussion last year (not to mention all the Post-Concussive Symptoms that continue to plague me). And this is all in addition to being flung back into the extremely desperate, intense and insane PTSD mindset whenever I get triggered about stuff relating to that event. One trigger, just last year, had me actually thinking of ways to commit suicide; it was obviously a horrible break-up.

    Anyway, therapy can be incredibly helpful if you find the right therapist but it sounds as though your options aren’t that great. I would suggest talking to someone you trust about these feelings. If your depression started 4 years ago I would examine the events around it and consider addressing those events directly. Burying things tends to make them worse; I used to repress my emotions. Funnily enough, when I started to be out with my emotions I got accused of being manipulative. I guess it was just hard for people to believe I felt things THAT strongly.

    I know this isn’t an option for my situation, but maybe it is for yours. I wish I could talk with that person one last time, just to understand what happened on their side and move onward with closure. I don’t know if that would be right for you, but it might be worth considering. The past always comes back up, so I’ve found the best way to deal with it is to just confront it even though it might be very difficult. Before the PTSD break-up, I had another relationship where someone left without warning; I didn’t hear from them for three years. Then, they suddenly contacted me again and we talked for a bit and they wanted to be friends. I had to tell them that just talking to them (online, through text) was a horrible place for me to be, mentally, after they disappeared like that; it’s entirely possible this was another PTSD event for me (lovely, stacking).

    They understood and left me alone after that. I had to take the rest of that week to calm down from talking to them, but after the initial shock wore off I realized I felt whole again. That chunk that they took out of my soul when they left with no communication or warning wasn’t really perfect and unmarred, but it was back, as opposed to still being ripped out. After the PTSD break-up a few years ago, I still feel like I lost something; I’d like to get it back, to be able to feel whole and have closure. Just wishful thinking, I know. But maybe your situation would fit with that option. I know you’re a strong person and probably don’t need this advice, but just figured I’d offer my two cents.

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