#mentalhealthmonday – self esteem

This has been a bit of a rubbish week for me. I’ve been so tired recently – I can barely get through a day without having to take a nap. And I don’t mean a casual little catnap. I mean a 4 or 5 hour long-haul sleep in the middle of the day. My parents actually travelled up to visit me at my boyfriend’s house because they were so worried about me. And, as you can tell from the title of this particular blog, self-esteem has been a bit of a problem for me recently.

There are a couple of different things that have been impacting my self-esteem. The first is the issue of my weight. I’ve been plus size for quite a while now, but recently some people have been getting onto me about it. It’s especially difficult at this time of year, when it starts to get sunny and warm, and thinner women than me are getting their legs and arms out. I can’t stop comparing myself to them, and wondering why I don’t have the confidence to wear what they’re wearing.

Secondly, I’ve been looking for jobs recently, and it hasn’t gone great. I’ve had 3 interviews and not succeeded in any of them. I keep talking about ‘failing’ my interviews, which I know is ridiculous. Just because I didn’t get the job doesn’t mean I failed, it means that there were people probably better qualified than me. And I know that, but there’s something in the lizard part of my brain that keeps whispering ‘failureeeeee’.

However, I’m going to my doctor. I’m going to bring all this stuff up, and the tiredness, and see if anything can be done. I want to read more body positive books, to help make myself feel better about my body. And I’ve got 2 interviews coming up, so hopefully I’ll get a job offer from one or both of them!

11 thoughts on “#mentalhealthmonday – self esteem

  1. Jennifer Rodrigues says:

    Sent you a Facebook pm with a book that I. Find helpful xxx your beautiful inside and out Wendy always remember that

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  2. Norrie says:

    Sorry to hear you are not well.
    But hopefully your doctor will be able to give you some helpful tips / solution. I used to see my GP on a regular basis but she kept saying it must be the stress, blah blah… Wasn’t until i started therapy when i finally understood what was going on, and even tho it took long, but it was worth it and i finally felt like a normal person again.
    So don’t give up, it might just need some time!

    I don’t get people who would pester others cuz of their weight (or anything like that). I hope you told them where to shove their opinions 🙂

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  3. The Reading Hobbit says:

    I really want to slap those people pestering you about your weight. Your weight is /your/ business, as what you want to wear is /your/ choice. But yeah, it’s still hard. I’m plus size myself and have been for large parts of my life and while I’ve been submersing myself with body positive stuff, it’s still hard to convince myself to wear shorts. And it’s not so strange, bc as a species we’re basically programmed to do what the group wants, lest me should be cast out. But that doesn’t mean it’s right! Or that you have to listen to them! But yeah it’s still hard. xoxo I hope you’ll feel better soon and that a visit to the doctor will help you figure out why you’re so tired. Also good luck with your interviews!

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  4. Katy T says:

    Hang in there. I have had so many Interviews in my life. I finally figured out that interviews are about fit. Would this job, company, be a good fit for me? When I get a turn down, or don’t hear back, I just know that the job wasn’t a fit for me. I am in a similar situation myself, and have to remind myself often to take walks, stretch, and take mental breaks. You are smart to see the doc instead of ignore your need for mid day sleep. All the best!

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