Hello all! I’m writing this from my parents’ lovely home in the English countryside. It’s a bank holiday today in the UK, so I decided to travel down and escape the hustle and bustle of my daily life – for a couple of days, anyway. And I get to cuddle my dog, so that’s always a bonus.
I had a couple of post ideas planned for today, but I thought that I would instead give you a brief update about how I’m doing, because as some of you know, I’ve been having quite a difficult time recently, and I think my recent experiences are ones that need to be discussed. So! Here we go.
- I upped my SSRI meds to 60 mg (the maximum dose), which caused lots of uncontrollably twitching and didn’t really help my mood. I went down to 50 mg, which was better, but now I have gone back to my normal dose of 40 mg.
- This is because I’m going to be going on another medication next week, which may interfere with my SSRI if it is too high a dose. This new medication is an anti-psychotic.
- And THIS is because I’ve developed a whole new set of symptoms over the past couple of months. The paranoia has been real, y’all. I convinced myself that I was being watched by security cameras at work, and, at times, at home. That they were specifically targeting me, zooming in on what I was doing. Once, I convinced myself so much that I didn’t want to have a shower, because the cameras would see me naked. And although my boyfriend eventually talked me through these thoughts, I still had the nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I was right, and that these cameras were real. Not believing in the cameras would be ‘playing right into their hands’. (Whose hands? Don’t ask me.)
- So. I went to the doctor. They called some consultants, who recommended the new medication. I’m going to be put on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist, once I get my new GP in London.
While I can talk about this quite calmly at the moment, I can honestly say that this has been one of the most scary times of my life. Depression and anxiety I understand, and have been dealing with for as long as I can remember. Psychosis is a completely different kettle of fish for me. I’m definitely going to be doing a lot more research about the causes of psychosis, and the specific stigma that goes along with it. If you have any recommendations for websites or books, do comment.
On a bit of a more positive note, I’ve been talking to some of the lovely people over at Better Help.
They have also kindly asked if they could link some of my Mental Health Monday posts in their advice section, which I of course agreed to! I’m hoping to link any articles I write in future to my Mental Health Monday posts 🙂 Here’s a link to some of their articles about depression: I personally really like the one about depression and boredom, because for me those are closely linked.
So! That’s my mental health at the moment. I’m very interested to see how this new medication will work, particularly in conjunction with my SSRI. I’ll keep you updated, but for now, I’m going to give my lovely doggy a good cuddle. x