#mentalhealthmonday – a brief update

Hello all! I’m writing this from my parents’ lovely home in the English countryside. It’s a bank holiday today in the UK, so I decided to travel down and escape the hustle and bustle of my daily life – for a couple of days, anyway. And I get to cuddle my dog, so that’s always a bonus.

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I had a couple of post ideas planned for today, but I thought that I would instead give you a brief update about how I’m doing, because as some of you know, I’ve been having quite a difficult time recently, and I think my recent experiences are ones that need to be discussed. So! Here we go.

  • I upped my SSRI meds to 60 mg (the maximum dose), which caused lots of uncontrollably twitching and didn’t really help my mood. I went down to 50 mg, which was better, but now I have gone back to my normal dose of 40 mg.
  • This is because I’m going to be going on another medication next week, which may interfere with my SSRI if it is too high a dose. This new medication is an anti-psychotic.
  • And THIS is because I’ve developed a whole new set of symptoms over the past couple of months. The paranoia has been real, y’all. I convinced myself that I was being watched by security cameras at work, and, at times, at home. That they were specifically targeting me, zooming in on what I was doing. Once, I convinced myself so much that I didn’t want to have a shower, because the cameras would see me naked. And although my boyfriend eventually talked me through these thoughts, I still had the nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I was right, and that these cameras were real. Not believing in the cameras would be ‘playing right into their hands’. (Whose hands? Don’t ask me.)
  • So. I went to the doctor. They called some consultants, who recommended the new medication. I’m going to be put on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist, once I get my new GP in London.

While I can talk about this quite calmly at the moment, I can honestly say that this has been one of the most scary times of my life. Depression and anxiety I understand, and have been dealing with for as long as I can remember. Psychosis is a completely different kettle of fish for me. I’m definitely going to be doing a lot more research about the causes of psychosis, and the specific stigma that goes along with it. If you have any recommendations for websites or books, do comment.

On a bit of a more positive note, I’ve been talking to some of the lovely people over at Better Help.

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They have also kindly asked if they could link some of my Mental Health Monday posts in their advice section, which I of course agreed to! I’m hoping to link any articles I write in future to my Mental Health Monday posts 🙂 Here’s a link to some of their articles about depression: I personally really like the one about depression and boredom, because for me those are closely linked.

So! That’s my mental health at the moment. I’m very interested to see how this new medication will work, particularly in conjunction with my SSRI. I’ll keep you updated, but for now, I’m going to give my lovely doggy a good cuddle. x

15 thoughts on “#mentalhealthmonday – a brief update

  1. Grace (the Changeling) says:

    First of all, good for you for going to the doctor. I know many people with mental difficulties (including myself) who have struggled to take that step thanks to the many roadblocks mental health throws up, so I’m glad that you were able to seek out the support you needed! Also I’ll definitely be checking out Better Help because I just moved and I don’t know if I can bring myself to hunt for a new counselor right now when all my mental energy is taken up by not getting stressed by the chaos that is my house.
    Also also, how cool that your posts will be linked! You’re an excellent writer, so it’s exciting that your advocacy for mental health will reach even more people. Yay!

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    1. whatthelog says:

      Thank you xx I hate going to the doctor, but I knew that it had got to the point where I just had to.
      I’m glad you’ll be checking it out! I’m also thinking about it, because I’ve had such terrible experiences with counselors. Having the flexibility to quickly find a better person sounds like a great idea to me 🙂 (And oh god, I know the stress of moving – I hope everything is going well!)
      Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words xx

      Like

  2. Jackie B @ Death by Tsundoku says:

    First of all, that photo of you and your dog is beautiful! What a gorgeous couple! 😉 Secondly– girl, take care of yourself first and foremost! I am consistently impressed with your courage to share your story and your strength in continuing to pursue what you believe is best for yourself. Psychosis is nothing to laugh at. I hope that all your meds balance each other well and bring you back into the best mental state possible.

    Finally– that’s super cool that Better Help wants you to link up your posts! It’s so important that we share our stories; I’m glad they are helping boost the signal for yours. ❤

    Like

    1. whatthelog says:

      Thank you! I love him so very VERY much ❤
      Oh, thank you very much 🙂 This has been a scary couple of months, but I'm hoping that I'm pushing through now. Having a few days to escape real life has been a great help 🙂

      I was so surprised when they contacted me!! It really made me realise that people are interested in what I have to say, which is a great feeling xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ceillie Simkiss says:

    I’m so glad you’re working on finding a new treatment plan for your new symptoms, Wendy. That must have been terrifying, and I’m so glad your boyfriend has been able to help in the meantime. I hope that this medicine works for you and doesn’t screw with your SSRI.

    Like

  4. Sarah says:

    Aw, so glad you got to see your pup! I hope the new meds help things, I’ve had limited experience with psychosis, but what I experienced definitely wasn’t fun. Hoping things get better for you! 💕

    Like

  5. justanotherloststudent says:

    Hey, I’m sorry things have been so difficult for you ❤ I've been absent for health related reasons as well both mental and physical, so can understand on a certain level how that feels.

    I'm always around if you want to talk to a friend, or need some extra support. And obviously, once you move to London (if that's still a plan) I'd be more than happy to hang out!

    Like

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